My Baby Is Defective


Does Warranty Cover This?

I’d like to warn you before I go any further that this is a serious issue and not in any way a lengthy joke about babies pooping. You have been warned!

With that said, I’d like to talk about my darling daughter. She is a little bundle of joy with bright eyes who has finally learned how to blow a raspberry. But beneath this innocent facade she hides a serious condition. She has what I can only assume is an advanced stage of the man-poops. What are the man-poops you ask? I’m not sure you really want to know, but now that the question has been asked I will tell you…

Picture a large man, lets say early forties, who has previously consumed a dinner of entirely less-than-reputable Mexican food from a local restaurant. Now imagine you’re subjected to sounds and smells of the inevitable outcome of those terrible arrangement. That my scarred-for-life reader, is the man-poops.

The actual details of it are too gruesome to divulge, but you get the gist of it. Now, I was warned of this when I had my daughter. I don’t know what percentage of babies are afflicted with this condition, but many parents seem to experience it. “Watch out” they said, “Wait ’till she starts on formula” they laughed.

I had no idea what I was in for. Sure, I’ve dealt with less-than-pleasant bodily functions before. But, poop is poop. It smells bad, but its no bio-weapon. My daughter has taught me different now. There are poops beyond poops, these are the serious man-poops. After extensive research I’ve discovered the only cure for such an affliction is time.

I must somehow out-last the child, until pooping becomes her business and none of my own. Then and only then will I no longer be victim to the vicious man-poops. Seeing as my daughter is only now about to hit six months, the road seems endless. But, I shall persevere and do my best to be understanding of her while she has this condition. After all, no one asks for the man-poops.


My try at a bit of satire and comedy, I hope you enjoyed it. Brought about by my darling little girl grunting and producing other sound effects on her way to stinking up our apartment. Who knew babies had it in them….


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