Intermission = Sabatical

Image found at www.cleanbreak.ca.

Image found at http://www.cleanbreak.ca.

Or Something Like That..

My brief intermission turned into an extended absence. Turns out managing work, family, and more work is harder than it looks. It’s almost three months since I posted last. I sadly have little to show for it, mostly just scribbles in my notebooks. Still, there are some poems I can tidy up and post, maybe a little flash fiction. But not too much overall. Been working a lot obviously, actually working three jobs at the moment. I figured two wasn’t too bad, so why not three. It’ll also get me to where I want to go faster, so that’s a bonus. Six days a week, 85 hours on average, and one day off to keep my sanity. I kinda want to see how far I can go.

Its kind of like juggling, only with hours instead of balls. Just a matter of keeping them all going up and around properly. Some hours to sleep, a couple to eat, lots to work, and a few here and there to unwind and spend with family. Writing has been losing out to time with the wife and gaming. The release of Rome 2: Total War hasn’t helped that ratio. Though now that its out and I had my fix, I figured I should make an update. Maybe post a few things.

In the meanwhile, I’ll go on living the dream. Its a little exhausting, a little thrilling. Just to keep it all up. Really not as hard as I thought it would be. And I figure if I can do this now, then later when I quit the extra jobs I have no reason not to dedicate time to writing. Definitely learning how to better manage my time and energy. Not sure if anyone still reads my posts, but feel free to comment if you do. Its always appreciated.

Intermission

When Is a Post Not a Post?

 

When it’s a status update! Ha-yuk, ha-yuk.

But seriously, just an update. It is 1:30am right now and I get up at 5, so bare with me. Probably no posts this weekend or anything else tonight, worn down from work. I’ll have put in almost 70 hours in five days by the end of the day tomorrow. So, ready for a break.

It is the birthday of the love of my life this week, my beautiful wife. Going to enjoy having Saturday off and spend it with her, got a lot planned so heres to it all going well.

Beyond that I do have more poems, though a lot of them are depressing/a bit angry. Been a little frustrated with life at times lately if anyone has got the hint. But though it is yet unposted, things have been changing towards the more positive.

I’m also pondering writing instead of reading on my breaks/lunches at work, or maybe a mix. I feel like I could use that time for short stories, though the breakroom is full of distractions. Still tossing the idea around, I want to produce more writing than I am right now. Need to find some way to do that even with these fourteen-fifteen hour workdays.

So anyway, if you don’t see my random musing/ramblings just picture me relaxing somewhere with my wife and you all enjoy your weekend.

So…

I haven’t been writing much lately, absorbed in work and then vegging out with games after work. I’ve had lots of inspiration and ideas, just a serious lack of motivation. It seems like such a tall task at times, just to sit down and write. I find myself wondering why I want to. My goal of writing books seems pretty far-fetched when I can’t even write a short story.

That is of course, all self defeating nonsense and pity. For my situation and my troubles. We’ve all got issues, we’ve all got troubles, and situations abound. I need to just get over it. Time is the only thing I truly have to fight for, it comes in bursts. Much of it is spent taking care of my daughter and spending time with my wife after work. I find it hard to see the line between what I should do and I can do. I can care for my wife and child 100% of the way, but it leaves nothing for myself.

Such a thought makes me feel guilty, even though my rational brain says it shouldn’t. My priorities should be God, myself, my wife, my daughter, and so on. Writing is hard to pin in there. I want to make it a priority, but its a step I kind of tripped on before. I came home for a couple months straight and posted once a day, and my relationship suffered some for it. My wife is understandably jealous of something that absorbs me completely and takes her out of my arms, however briefly.

But its hard to convey sometimes what it means to me. It isn’t that I feel I have a knack for writing and want to see what I can do. I have a desire to write that doesn’t go away. My wife is still trying to find what she really wants to do in life, so maybe that is why it is hard for her to understand. It isn’t a hobby, it isn’t a passing fad, its something I need to fully embrace and come to terms with.

Whether I publish ten books or none, I will forever be a writer. Even if my short stories are all full of bad dialogue and barely long enough to have the name, I am still a writer. Unpublished, unknown, my scribbles scattered on digital walls, I am a writer. This is what this period of idleness and introspection has taught me. As with most things I have learned over the years, I realize it may not be an unshakeable truth. We are creatures of change, and I am not the one to say what God has in store for me.

I think that is all I can say for now, I hope you enjoyed my rambling. I plan to start updating again, and committing myself to harder work. Sink or swim, as they say.

Slackin’ and Whatnot

Slackin’ and Whatnot

So I’ve been slacking lately, makes sense following my vow to write more. All the fake scam bloggers got me kind of annoyed with the whole thing, as I want actual likes and feedback not bot spam. I see now why some blogs don’t have a like option. The thought of those scammers attracting people with their fake likes just bothers me. I don’t know if I want to go that route or not, since I’ve seen a lot of good blogs through others that have liked me. It’s tough to decide. My work on m short story didn’t go that well this week either. I got a mere 700 words and I’m not too happy with what I wrote. I may have let the idea sit too long, or perhaps I’m just not sticking with it enough. I shall persevere.

More importantly, at least for the moment, is that the Medieval Fair is in town. My wife and I are going today, this’ll be our daughters first medieval fair though I don’t think she will remember it. My wife will find some nice jewelry and I will most likely buy another sword. Compliment that with good food, random folks, and lots to see and it should be a good day. The rain even decided to stay away this weekend and we’ve got a nice sunny day lined up. Hoping you all have a good day as well, and I’ll get started again on writing after the fair.

Sloth and Kudos

Photo found at www.cutestpaw.com.

Photo found at http://www.cutestpaw.com.

Sloth

The world is a heavy thing, always looming over me.

Duty and obligation make my body ache, my mind weary.

Too much I cry, it is all too much.

Better to do nothing than to do too little.

These lies I tell myself so that I will not face my fear.

Trying begets failure and inaction only scorn.

by Nicholas Byrley

Nothing like a poem about laziness to cheer up the evening. Sloth is a beast I fight on a daily basis, and its a battle I don’t always win. I’ve tried to sum up how that fight goes for me at times. I hope I have conveyed properly. The poem is not meant to be a depressing one, but rather a trial being observed as it is overcome. Bit by bit I beat the beast back through posts like these, proving to myself I can write every day.

Image found at abovethelaw.com.

Image found at abovethelaw.com.

Kudos

I just want to thank everyone who visits this blog for all their time spent reading, liking, commenting, and following. I passed 51 followers this morning on my 21st day of writing this blog. It does my heart(and ego!) good and gives me a lot of motivation to keep going by seeing things like that. So thanks again and please continue to read. Defeat the beast of Sloth with me and help me become a writer.

Writer’s Block, Laziness, and Fear

Image

Is hesitation a form of writer’s block?

Or is it simply a lack of motivation and laziness? I often wonder as I have spent many hours in my head telling stories, running with ideas, or just daydreaming. However only a fraction of my time has been spent writing. This is despite knowing that if I truly wish to be a writer, I need to write everyday.

I’ve read that you should try to write at least once a day, for an hour a day; if one really wishes to become a writer. Perhaps this is what makes starting seem so daunting in my head. Easier to not write than to commit to scheduled task every day. Not to mention the blow to my ego failing such a task on a regular basis would be. Add to that the idea proposed by Malcolm Gladwell that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in something.

Now that one hour a day task becomes an investment of almost thirty years to become proficient in writing. That puts me being a senior citizen and is a bit of a depressing thought. Still, the theory is sound. (Time+Practice=Skill) If I had the kind of lifestyle that could afford twelve hours a day of writing I’d accomplish the goal in under two and a half years. I would blame my ill-spent youth, but I am who I am.

Total dedication seems beyond me, my focus a fickle mistress.But within me there is the urge to try anyway. That unidentifiable human quality of ignoring the numbers and just going for it. That is, if I could put pen to paper more than two out of every ten times. So if I figure out my issue as being one of these three, do I then gain the power to change and overcome it? Or am I simply padding my next excuse with this bout of introspection?