That night has long since fled, chased away by star and time.
Now I find myself dreamless and wordless, lost and mute.
I am a stowaway in my body, my mind a shiftless transient.
Still I am drawn on to journey’s end, to the next beginning.
by Nicholas Byrley
Maybe I’ll figure it out some day.
Been working my usual hours but now starting a week of vacation from my primary job, just going to be working my part time jobs this week. Gonna spend the days with my family as well as leisurely periods of writing, gaming, and bowling. Just started my bowling league again so I have to get back in good form. Hope you all have a good week.
My brief intermission turned into an extended absence. Turns out managing work, family, and more work is harder than it looks. It’s almost three months since I posted last. I sadly have little to show for it, mostly just scribbles in my notebooks. Still, there are some poems I can tidy up and post, maybe a little flash fiction. But not too much overall. Been working a lot obviously, actually working three jobs at the moment. I figured two wasn’t too bad, so why not three. It’ll also get me to where I want to go faster, so that’s a bonus. Six days a week, 85 hours on average, and one day off to keep my sanity. I kinda want to see how far I can go.
Its kind of like juggling, only with hours instead of balls. Just a matter of keeping them all going up and around properly. Some hours to sleep, a couple to eat, lots to work, and a few here and there to unwind and spend with family. Writing has been losing out to time with the wife and gaming. The release of Rome 2: Total War hasn’t helped that ratio. Though now that its out and I had my fix, I figured I should make an update. Maybe post a few things.
In the meanwhile, I’ll go on living the dream. Its a little exhausting, a little thrilling. Just to keep it all up. Really not as hard as I thought it would be. And I figure if I can do this now, then later when I quit the extra jobs I have no reason not to dedicate time to writing. Definitely learning how to better manage my time and energy. Not sure if anyone still reads my posts, but feel free to comment if you do. Its always appreciated.
But seriously, just an update. It is 1:30am right now and I get up at 5, so bare with me. Probably no posts this weekend or anything else tonight, worn down from work. I’ll have put in almost 70 hours in five days by the end of the day tomorrow. So, ready for a break.
It is the birthday of the love of my life this week, my beautiful wife. Going to enjoy having Saturday off and spend it with her, got a lot planned so heres to it all going well.
Beyond that I do have more poems, though a lot of them are depressing/a bit angry. Been a little frustrated with life at times lately if anyone has got the hint. But though it is yet unposted, things have been changing towards the more positive.
I’m also pondering writing instead of reading on my breaks/lunches at work, or maybe a mix. I feel like I could use that time for short stories, though the breakroom is full of distractions. Still tossing the idea around, I want to produce more writing than I am right now. Need to find some way to do that even with these fourteen-fifteen hour workdays.
So anyway, if you don’t see my random musing/ramblings just picture me relaxing somewhere with my wife and you all enjoy your weekend.
80 hours. That is how many hours I worked between Monday and Saturday of this last week at my two jobs combined. Bit crazy and a bit exhausting, but not too bad. I really am enjoying working in a retail environment. I had a lot of different expectations coming into it. Fear about bad customers, being made into a salesman, and other such issues. I’ve gotten nothing but good experiences to relate however. Customers are generally friendly or just focused, and I like helping people find what they need.
It is kind of like playing trivia with strangers. Every right answer tickles that part of my nerd brain that likes to prove it knows things. Then I also do stuff like ‘zoning’, which is getting all product at the front and making sure it looks right. My touch of OCD makes that something I like doing as well. Then there are miscellaneous tasks to perform, but nothing really strenuous. All in all I find retail pretty easy and a definitely more relaxed setting from my job in a warehouse. There is also lots of interesting people to meet, pieces of their lives they relate in small conversations. I’ve always been an observer of people, so I must confess I do a lot of this as I work. Not staring or being rude, I just kind of try to figure people out.
As far as writing goes in my life, it has mostly been stalled still. I’ve written five or six poems I need to run through final drafts and get up on here, but nothing story wise. I have had some spare moments to myself in which to write, but I have been idling that time away with games or distractions. So, nothing new there for me. The only thing holding me back is of course, me. There is really not much more to say on that. I’m going to try (again) to get some of my poems up, but Sunday is a busy day for me. Gotta get ready for the week and try to grab quality time with the family. Hoping you all have a good Sunday and week.
I got the final confirmation today on a part-time job I had applied for. I will now be working nights and weekends after my other job. We desperately need more money right now, so it is a huge blessing. My wife and I are still trying to catch up from having a baby and her not working for a year. I am excited about this, but also a little nervous. I have a tendency towards overworking/workaholic/whatever you want to call it. I don’t really want to have two jobs consume my life. But I also believe I wouldn’t have it if not by the grace of God. Doors opened up for this and people that had no motive to help me did so, so I am thankful for that.
My other fear is that I will write even less working two jobs, which I believe is a valid one. It is a retail job, so it isn’t as fast paced as my current job. But I don’t know how much opportunity I will have to jot things down in my pocket notebook. I will just have to see. There will still be days off and windows in between the two jobs, so I can try to use those times more wisely as well. And the simple truth is also that with abundant time I have right now, I have not really been writing. So less time won’t change my lack of motivation. Perhaps it will make me appreciate it more.
I’m still at the point of having tons of ideas but a lack of motivation. I did get my first official rejection the other day, for a poem I submitted to Asimov’s. In retrospect it was only barely sci-fi and not really about anything significant. So I wasn’t too surprised to be rejected. It actually is kind of nice to be officially denied, even if the response looked like a form letter. I have such a strong urge to write that wars against my lack of motivation. I also take great enjoyment in it, which is another reason I find it odd I put it off so much.
I suppose I’m just a little crazy, like most people. Anyway, I shall keep writing and keep working. I will be able to rest a little easier with more money, no more paycheck to paycheck living. Being able to work on paying off debts and saving money is something I’m looking forward to. That’s all the news I have for now. Got a couple poems I’ve been working on that I will try to post later today.