So…

I haven’t been writing much lately, absorbed in work and then vegging out with games after work. I’ve had lots of inspiration and ideas, just a serious lack of motivation. It seems like such a tall task at times, just to sit down and write. I find myself wondering why I want to. My goal of writing books seems pretty far-fetched when I can’t even write a short story.

That is of course, all self defeating nonsense and pity. For my situation and my troubles. We’ve all got issues, we’ve all got troubles, and situations abound. I need to just get over it. Time is the only thing I truly have to fight for, it comes in bursts. Much of it is spent taking care of my daughter and spending time with my wife after work. I find it hard to see the line between what I should do and I can do. I can care for my wife and child 100% of the way, but it leaves nothing for myself.

Such a thought makes me feel guilty, even though my rational brain says it shouldn’t. My priorities should be God, myself, my wife, my daughter, and so on. Writing is hard to pin in there. I want to make it a priority, but its a step I kind of tripped on before. I came home for a couple months straight and posted once a day, and my relationship suffered some for it. My wife is understandably jealous of something that absorbs me completely and takes her out of my arms, however briefly.

But its hard to convey sometimes what it means to me. It isn’t that I feel I have a knack for writing and want to see what I can do. I have a desire to write that doesn’t go away. My wife is still trying to find what she really wants to do in life, so maybe that is why it is hard for her to understand. It isn’t a hobby, it isn’t a passing fad, its something I need to fully embrace and come to terms with.

Whether I publish ten books or none, I will forever be a writer. Even if my short stories are all full of bad dialogue and barely long enough to have the name, I am still a writer. Unpublished, unknown, my scribbles scattered on digital walls, I am a writer. This is what this period of idleness and introspection has taught me. As with most things I have learned over the years, I realize it may not be an unshakeable truth. We are creatures of change, and I am not the one to say what God has in store for me.

I think that is all I can say for now, I hope you enjoyed my rambling. I plan to start updating again, and committing myself to harder work. Sink or swim, as they say.

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Stolen Moments

Stolen Moments

We live in a world that never stops, progress ever demanding.

There exists no time for thinking, no time to ponder.

Only work to be done, a list of endless tasks awaiting.

In this strife we search for balance, an opposite to our constant labor.

We can find but fleeting moments, mere seconds as precious as gems.

With these we make our mark, thieving back the time thought lost.

by Nicholas Byrley

Some days it seems very difficult to have any time for yourself. Between work, family, biological necessities and everything else that goes with being a human time is very precious. On these busy days I really appreciate the lulls, those stolen moments I get to take back for myself.

Self

Self

by Nicholas Byrley

Self existed for many years. It was aware, and yet also unaware. In many ways Self simply was. It did not have a problem with that. Things had always been that way, so they would always stay that way. However, Self became aware of some oddities in time. It noticed something beyond Self, things. It was wrapped around this thing, a hard lump. At first, Self thought it perhaps it was part of Self, just a part it could not feel.

This answer satisfied it for many more years, until a similar lump fell from above Self and struck It. Self knew pain, and knew confusion. But from this lesson it realized the lump that struck it was the same as the lump Self was on. Therefore, it must be something not of Self. All things then were not actually Self. If this was the case, then there must be Others. Self knew loneliness.

It passed the intervening years after the lump fell from the sky experimenting with It’s boundaries. Self knew the breadth of its domain, and could shape portions or even all of itself differently on the lump it occupied. Self trained it’s senses on the above, watching for more lumps, watching for the Others. Self knew that if it was, then the Others must be as well.

They might even be smarter than Self, more knowledgeable. They could answer many questions Self was beginning to have.

Self waited a long time, eons passing as the above shifted in its endless cycles. More lumps came in time, some slightly different from the first one but all just more lumps. Self added them to the pile it had made, not sure what else to do with them. Finally the day came that a lump unlike other lumps came. It was buzzing, vibrating, and whirring. It came down not hard, but softly.

It was different from the others, special somehow. Self examined it carefully, years of thoroughly checking the lumps from above lending it expertise in the survey. This lump was hollow, and full of gasses. Self put pressure on the lump, it bent inward easily. The buzzing and vibrating increased when It did that, and It was surprised.

It responded to Self’s actions and seemed almost to be watching It. This lump was not a lump at all, but an Other. Self knew joy.

It was no longer alone. It had many questions for this strange tiny Other, but knew not how to ask it. Since it had responded when Self applied pressure, It tried that again. This time it persisted longer and was happy to see the buzzing and noises increase dramatically.

But something happened, the Other gave a loud pop and then suddenly broke apart. The pressure was too much. Self tried to gather the myriad parts and pieces of the other back together, but no matter what way It arranged them, the Other would communicate no longer. The Other was no more. Self knew sadness.

It placed the Other on the the lumps it had previously collected, hoping to attract more. It would be different next time Self decided, It knew the limits of the Other now. It would just take more time, and then It could find out all it wanted to know….

***CNS “Landfall” Log: The shuttle we sent down to Gliese 581c to examine the planet has not returned. An alien mass we first mistook as an ocean that seems to stretch across the entire surface of the world swallowed, and then crushed our vessel. I grieve for the loss of our men and women who volunteered to search for a new home there. There is an attitude among the crew that we should sterilize this world, but I see no need. It holds no intelligence, no malice. It is another mindless organism amongst many we have found, and it would be a waste. I will settle instead on simply marking the star charts and sending this information back to Earth, so that none shall make the mistake of landing on this world again.

-Captain Brock Grunweld of the Colonization Navy Ship “Landfall” ***

Watching my lava lamp made me thing of primordial ooze and this is the result. Interestingly, this is another case where the image found afterwards fits the story. Although I had originally gone with Gliese 667Cc as the planet, searching for Gliese afterwards found this rendition of Gliese 581c I knew I had to use. Let me know what you think.

Slackin’ and Whatnot

Slackin’ and Whatnot

So I’ve been slacking lately, makes sense following my vow to write more. All the fake scam bloggers got me kind of annoyed with the whole thing, as I want actual likes and feedback not bot spam. I see now why some blogs don’t have a like option. The thought of those scammers attracting people with their fake likes just bothers me. I don’t know if I want to go that route or not, since I’ve seen a lot of good blogs through others that have liked me. It’s tough to decide. My work on m short story didn’t go that well this week either. I got a mere 700 words and I’m not too happy with what I wrote. I may have let the idea sit too long, or perhaps I’m just not sticking with it enough. I shall persevere.

More importantly, at least for the moment, is that the Medieval Fair is in town. My wife and I are going today, this’ll be our daughters first medieval fair though I don’t think she will remember it. My wife will find some nice jewelry and I will most likely buy another sword. Compliment that with good food, random folks, and lots to see and it should be a good day. The rain even decided to stay away this weekend and we’ve got a nice sunny day lined up. Hoping you all have a good day as well, and I’ll get started again on writing after the fair.

Ugh.

So I’m just now getting over a bout of food poisoning or some kind of bug. Ate something that just tore me up Saturday night/Sunday. My resolution to write sadly meant nothing compared to my angry stomach. And now of course, I have to go to work. I got a little bit done on my short story last night. Working on turning this one into an actual short story. Has a lot of good potential there I think so it should be fun. I’ve also got a couple poems almost ready, so I’ll see if I can post some throughout the week while I’m working on my short story. Hoping you all have a good week, I gotta go get ready for work now.

Blitzcrank

Image found at www.lolpro.com.

Image found at http://www.lolpro.com.

Blitzcrank

Of iron will and body, fueled by heat and magic.

Long of reach and heavy fisted, dynamic and dangerous.

Created by the new ways, life born by cold science.

Sage and warrior built, a mighty mechanical man made.

by Nicholas Byrley

They say to write about what you know, so today I wrote a poem about everyone’s favorite steam golem, Blitzcrank. He is a champion in League of Legends, an online MOBA game. I’d link to all those or describe it, but its easier just to say google it. In short, its a competitive video game I spend too much time in sometimes. Ol’ Blitz is a steam golem, and the only one of his kind. His specialty is in team fights and setting up ganks, really my style of play. He gets me a win more often than not, so this poem is for him, the fictional game character.

On The Precipice

Image found at www.zoic.com.

Image found at http://www.zoic.com.

On The Precipice

I have climbed as far as I can go, my flesh bruised and weary.

I stand now at the edge, looking out at the desolate land below.

Rising above me is a glorious kingdom, a verdant paradise.

It lies just beyond my reach, a risky leap away.

I can give it all and jump, or I can try to descend below.

Desolation or paradise, the leap or the fall.

by Nicholas Byrley

I feel like I’m always apologizing lately for not posting, seems a bad habit to make. Between work, daycare issues, rides, and more I’ve been pretty much passing out everyday. So today I have good news, we got another car yesterday after a full day of searching. We also got our daughter into a good daycare that lacks the issues of the previous one. I feel very blessed and thankful today, the Lord has delivered us. Looking forward to having more time to spend not rushing and to write. The poem today is about what we all go through at some time or another. Choosing to commit yourself to God in heaven or fight it out in the world below. Hope you all enjoyed it, feel free to comment.