Midnight

The children to bed
A day at rest
Time for conversation
A moment to share
Lovers quiet night
Joined into sleep

By Nicholas Byrley

Festive

image

The rituals of winter, celebrations of warmth past but not forgotten.

Green trees and bright lights, talismans to stave off the night.

Roaring fire against the cold, the chill held back.

Time spent together, families united in joy.

Holidays temporary respite, a welcome distraction.

By Nicholas Byrley


I’m kind of a scrooge, but it fades the closer the holidays get. My wife absolutely loves Christmas. She has our apartment decked out and set me up with some excellent cover art for my current notebook. (Pictured above.) Hope you all are having a good run up to the holidays.

Life Changing Events

No new lunch poetry these past couple days. But not out of my usual laziness.

My wife went into the emergency room over shortness of breath and a pain in her side. One chest x-ray and a CT later, she’s being pushed into surgery the next day. The scans found enlarged/heavily swollen lymph nodes all through her chest. The surgery was to biopsy the masses to determine what they were.

There’s a word for situations like this.

Bullshit.

My twenty-four year old wife shouldn’t have to go through anything like this. If anything, I could see myself having problems. But my wife is five years younger than me. She shouldn’t have to go through this. Of course, feeling this way doesnt change it.

So she went through the surgery yesterday and thankfully all the results point towards sarcoidosis rather than lymphoma. So, no cancer, but still a serious condition. Not sure how I really feel about it all yet. Just a scary experience. I don’t want to outlive my wife by even one year, much less a lifetime.

The treatment for sarcodosis isn’t really invasive but it is long. We still have to visit the pulmonary specialist to get our treatment plan but at least we know now. For her this is all sinking in still. But I’ve taken this time off and will help her however I can. It all seems unreal.

Incomplete

I feel your absence in every moment, an infinity of torturous seconds.

Longing consumes and becomes me, it refuses to be denied.

Your looks, your sighs, they speak to me more than words ever could.

I cross a sea of agony, lost and forlorn in my search for your embrace.

Lacking you I am broken, incomplete and unnecessary.

Through the pain my search continues, only ending with you in my arms.

By Nicholas Byrley

– Working today as well, so here is another installment of Poetry For Lunch. This poem is for my wife who endures our time apart about as well as I do. Three jobs can be rough sometimes.

Intermission

When Is a Post Not a Post?

 

When it’s a status update! Ha-yuk, ha-yuk.

But seriously, just an update. It is 1:30am right now and I get up at 5, so bare with me. Probably no posts this weekend or anything else tonight, worn down from work. I’ll have put in almost 70 hours in five days by the end of the day tomorrow. So, ready for a break.

It is the birthday of the love of my life this week, my beautiful wife. Going to enjoy having Saturday off and spend it with her, got a lot planned so heres to it all going well.

Beyond that I do have more poems, though a lot of them are depressing/a bit angry. Been a little frustrated with life at times lately if anyone has got the hint. But though it is yet unposted, things have been changing towards the more positive.

I’m also pondering writing instead of reading on my breaks/lunches at work, or maybe a mix. I feel like I could use that time for short stories, though the breakroom is full of distractions. Still tossing the idea around, I want to produce more writing than I am right now. Need to find some way to do that even with these fourteen-fifteen hour workdays.

So anyway, if you don’t see my random musing/ramblings just picture me relaxing somewhere with my wife and you all enjoy your weekend.

So…

I haven’t been writing much lately, absorbed in work and then vegging out with games after work. I’ve had lots of inspiration and ideas, just a serious lack of motivation. It seems like such a tall task at times, just to sit down and write. I find myself wondering why I want to. My goal of writing books seems pretty far-fetched when I can’t even write a short story.

That is of course, all self defeating nonsense and pity. For my situation and my troubles. We’ve all got issues, we’ve all got troubles, and situations abound. I need to just get over it. Time is the only thing I truly have to fight for, it comes in bursts. Much of it is spent taking care of my daughter and spending time with my wife after work. I find it hard to see the line between what I should do and I can do. I can care for my wife and child 100% of the way, but it leaves nothing for myself.

Such a thought makes me feel guilty, even though my rational brain says it shouldn’t. My priorities should be God, myself, my wife, my daughter, and so on. Writing is hard to pin in there. I want to make it a priority, but its a step I kind of tripped on before. I came home for a couple months straight and posted once a day, and my relationship suffered some for it. My wife is understandably jealous of something that absorbs me completely and takes her out of my arms, however briefly.

But its hard to convey sometimes what it means to me. It isn’t that I feel I have a knack for writing and want to see what I can do. I have a desire to write that doesn’t go away. My wife is still trying to find what she really wants to do in life, so maybe that is why it is hard for her to understand. It isn’t a hobby, it isn’t a passing fad, its something I need to fully embrace and come to terms with.

Whether I publish ten books or none, I will forever be a writer. Even if my short stories are all full of bad dialogue and barely long enough to have the name, I am still a writer. Unpublished, unknown, my scribbles scattered on digital walls, I am a writer. This is what this period of idleness and introspection has taught me. As with most things I have learned over the years, I realize it may not be an unshakeable truth. We are creatures of change, and I am not the one to say what God has in store for me.

I think that is all I can say for now, I hope you enjoyed my rambling. I plan to start updating again, and committing myself to harder work. Sink or swim, as they say.

Anniversary

Image found at transitionvoice.com.

Image found at transitionvoice.com.

Anniversary

A special date, heart’s shared moment.

Two as one, love given freely.

Vows kept, solemn promises upheld.

Another year spent, joy abounding.

One of many, lifetime’s worth awaiting.

by Nicholas Byrley

Today marks the anniversary of my wedding. As of today my lovely wife and I have been married two years now, and known each other for almost three. Between the baby, work, and our own romance I don’t know where the time went. I’m looking forward to many more anniversary’s spent with her. And as I keep telling her, I am going to grow old with her. So, here is a poem in honor of the occasion. I hope you all have a good night and you find that special someone, your other half, to join you in this life.